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 If there was a zombie apocalypse the best place to go would be Target.

Lets look at the facts:

• Targets have at maximum 3 windows. And those windows are also doors. Otherwise they are giant concrete cinder-blocks of prison like retail. 
  
• Target is filled with things to quickly barricade those window-doors. such as entire gazebos, lawn furniture, exercise equipment, etc. 
• From that point forward all you have to do is worry about the zombies that are inside.
• Target has an intercom system, which if accessed by the correct people can be used to quickly spread information and mobilize people to get things done. 
• Target has a large section of both perishable and non perishable food items. 
• Target also has a vast entertainment section. (how many societies have collapsed due to conflict spurred by stress and boredom. HOW MANY)
• Target’s roof can be easily accessed for surveillance, gathering of rainwater (with the many buckets and mini pools target has. and all water can be boiled in the Starbucks kitchen) and sniping.
• Target’s insulation would make the harsh winter months significantly more bearable.
• Before the power goes out, Target has sun lights (which is why its not sad inside like in so many other stores… cough Sears cough) so people who have SAD won’t get depressed. Also, Target is large and designed to feel homey so people wont go stir crazy as fast like they do in jails.
• When the power goes out, Target has large industrial generators that can be turned on in emergencies like for cooking. 
• Speaking of cooking, Target has several kitchens inside of it. And once the power goes, guess what Target also sells? Grills. 
  
• Target also has a pharmacy. And medical supplies. So, people inside who need meds to function have a hell of a lot longer time to live unencumbered by their illness than they normally would. 
• Some targets have tools–including power tools.
• Target also has a tiny jail. For miscreants and rabble rousers.
• Bedding. Real Bedding
• Reliable indoor plumbing.

I think you could reasonably live for at least two years inside a Target before completely running out of anything vital– provided food is well rationed.
And even so, the only thing you’d be sending out scouts for is food. Everything else would last for ages.  

Provided that the population not exceed 200, Target would run out of these things in this order:

1. perishable food.
   
2. electricity
3. Potable water (that doesn’t require work)
4. Non perishable pre-made food items
5. Non perishable food ingredients (flour, mixes, etc)
   
   How to survive in a Target: Action plan.
   
   Undoubtedly, everyone will be rushing and screaming in the Target. First someone has to break into the manager’s office and commandeer the intercom to create some organization by shouting: If you do not want to stay and survive in the Target, leave now. 
   
   After that’s cleared up and only interested parties and zombies are left. the barricading can begin. Once the doors and windows are sealed, the new goal is to clear the undead from the usable space.The undead can be deposited neatly outside of the truck loading dock doors.
   
   Then, someone needs to do inventory. For the next week or so, food needs to be arranged by date consumed and a rationing chart should be made. Same applies to medicine and medical supplies and toiletries.
   
   After food and water has been qualified and quantified,  remaining time should be dedicated to turning target into a large “home”, Bedding should be laid out in one area, there should be an entertainment area. There should be a separate area for children and babies. All of the clothing should be pushed to the side or placed in the storage area, so there is more livable space. 
   
   I’m sure people have more ideas but that’s all I’ve got.
   
   

This has been brought to you with love by,

Not gonna die. 

Yes, but what about a Costco? It has the same advantages, and everything is scaled up by, at the very least, five.

Walmart has guns though

Y’all wanna live at costco where there is no bedding and its literally a depressing warehouse or at Walmart where there is no bedding but there’s guns and the sort of people who regularly arrive at walmart

fine

Have fun with that. See y’all in 2-5 years with our healthy well adjusted small population that survived because of quality planning and the little things humans need to keep happy and sane (sun lights through the whole store, a fully stocked pharmacy, baby care/supplies/cribs, a medium sized selection of books for when all the electronics stop working and we all need entertainment); rather than on edge and survivalist because  guns. 

You don’t need guns if you’re not planning on going outside.

Also, guns run out of bullets. A better weapon is a baseball bat. Which can be used as as both assault and defense, doesn’t  become useless even when bent, doesn’t need to recharge or reload, and can be used by anyone with a decent grip and swing with no need for serious weapons training. Of which they sell many at Target.

You wanna try me?

i’ve thought of everything. 

— 

Though, as walmart, target and costco all have truck loading via back entrance–We could plausibly create a system of trade using delivery trucks as a way to travel and create a small scale indoor economy.  In which no one ever has to go outside because that’s zombie territory these days.

This is super fucking important. hmu @Target if ya’ll wanna survive.

yeah but saying over the intercom ‘lol please leave if u don’t wanna stay, thanks’
wouldn’t work??
if people are stocking up for the actual apocalypse why would they adhere to that? they’d grab as much as possible

Because you and the people who do wanna stay would drive them out with the baseball bats

actually, maintaining stock isnt an issue. People wont take anything they’ll have to use much effort to prepare. Largely they will take canned goods and water/drinks. Leaving a lot of boxed mixes, some fresh perishables and a significant amount of frozen foods (which don’t carry well).  All of which can be cooked consumed within the first 30 days.  Dry goods like flour and sugar and baking soda etc which no one would think to grab quickly in the Chaos Days will be absolutely vital to create bread later. Outside People wont care to grab things like lemon juice, which will save us from scurvy.

Just think about what you would take if you were given 20 minutes. Whatever immediately didn’t come to mind is what would be left. 

Okay hear me out
Target has a gardening section correct? And like a little greenhouse to sell plants well they also sell soil as well. So turn the gardening section into a place where you can grow ur own food use perishable foods like the fruits and veggies as compost and use the seed to grow the food so you’ll NEVER RUN OUT OF FOOD

I was thinking that a good gardening section would be all the flat rooftop space. With some space allowances for skylight made from large  plastic container lids, melted rubber toys to seal, and holes cut in the roof.  I dont know if they sell dirt at target, but i’ve never seen a target not near dirt so maybe we could send envoys out with armed guard to dig some out.

Just a thought. 

@target-service

your thoughts?

TL;DR

I concede but at least we have abnormally large teddy bears

Fight me Targé. Kmart would be the best place to go, it’s got all that and a Zombie shield

Are you still here,

@kmart-totallyofficial-service

? I thought you were dead.

They’re a zombie

also sometimes costco does have bedding? and a fuckton of pillows? and blankets? and chairs? and couches? and ofc the abnormally large teddy bears. also the doors aren’t glass fucking fight me costco is the place to go in an apocalypse 

Costco would sustain longer, but Target would have a high quality of life. 

It is my opinion that Target would have a high enough quality of life that when Target’s sustainability nears it ends, we will be left with people who are strong enough, well organized and mentally healthy enough to leave the target to either get resources to bring back to Target or relocate to an entirely different location all together.

  But the goal isn’t really sustainability, Its a divorce from the chaos until we are rescued. A term that should last no more than 2 years. (either for the military to save us, or for most of the zombies to starve to death)

“a baseball bat is a better weapon”

This person has obviously never been in an actual fight with someone or fired a gun….

A baseball bat is a good “everyone can do it” weapon against a zombie. Not another person.

Here’s some info for you.

1. Bullets need to be gathered and replaced, they aren’t sustainable. Bat is bat.
2. We need to use the bullets for sniping reasons to protect the whole structure, or to give to people who leave(scouts, envoys,etc) because they aren’t sustainable and must be used in emergencies only. Bat is bat
3. people need to be trained how to shoot. also, training most of the people we have to shoot wastes bullets. Which, see point 2.  Anyone can use a bat. bat is bat

Now for the benefits of a bat:

1. A lot of people claim crowbars are the best weapon because they are multi purpose.  I’m posing that bats are better because bats can be used to hook under someone’s chin and keep a biting snarling mouth away from you. A considerable distance away from you becasue the length of the bat gives you better leverage than a crowbar ever will. 
2. Bats don’t need to be reloaded. They don’t run out of ammo.
3. Metal bats work even when bent.
4. If a wooden bat breaks, it can still be used as well, now its just sharp.
5. Bats don’t get “stuck in human flesh” like knives and other sharp items do. Its a bludgeoning item. 
6. Even just using the bat to push something a distance away from you, or to stun a zombie gives you more time/room to evade it or run away.
7. You barely need training to figure out how to use the bat. and training with it doesn't “waste” it like gun training. 
8. You can make your bat extra scary and effective by welding things to it or wrapping it in sharp wire.
9. A lot of human/human negative interactions can be resolved with discussion and proactive bargaining (aka, im not going to defend the building from “intruders”, its going to be an osmosis environment in which people can come and go at will and people who come to “take violently” will be subverted by being “offered freely”. Like, what would you do if you came in somewhere to steal food and instead of being greeted by people trying to defend food, you’re greeted by people who are like “oh here is some stuff we actively made for people on the road! thanks for stopping by. Hey, by any chance do you guys want to stay and  help be security/scouts for this place?” Like. y’all need to take some conflict resolution classes.
10. I’m certain you’re also considering the psychological leverage gained by using a gun as a threat, not just the actual shooting. See point 9. 

A bat is a better weapon than a gun IN THIS SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE because of its sustainability, versatility, ease of use and general availability within chaotic communities.

Reference, DIY Weapons used in the Ukrainian Revolution by the general public. (x)

 Also, I have been in a fight with someone. She almost died. I’m not proud of it and I would never do anything like that again unless I’m fighting for my life. 
 

Yall think its a game until you really get into it.

This post is hoping that the zombies are slow and dumb. If they’re quick like Left 4 Dead, then a bat, or any melee weapons is literally the worst, especially if they attack in groups. It’s actually pretty easy to avoid a swinging bat if you’re paying attention. Bats, like axes, are heavy at the fore and take a good amount of time to rewind for the next swing. And if arms are thrown up to deflect the blow, then the swinger will definitely be staggered off balance and VERY QUICKLY overwhelmed by even just two zombies. And you gotta remember that any time you connect with a swinging melee weapon, you have to account for the recoil time of your strike, AND ADD IT ONTO the time of you winding up of the next swing. These are split second things, but in a rush of combat that’s all it takes to lose.

Bats seem good in theory, but a gun is literally the best weapon to use. Of course there are cons like having to train, but being able to kill from a distance is imperative when fighting large groups of bodies that are using their hands. It’s not a fantasy action movie. You’ll get tired very quickly swinging around a melee weapon, yeknow?

I don’t think you read my original post at all. This isn’t about  being in a group out in the wild defending against zombies like the walking dead.

This is barricading a  large structure, removing all the existing zombies from within by any means necessary (guns, bats, simply pushing them tf out). Then staying mostly enclosed within that space.  

Any interaction with zombies would be on controlled missions only (retrieval missions for items or additional people) arming a retrieval group with bats and two pre-trained gunmen is more sustainable than giving everyone guns. Or spending any time within the structure focusing on gun proficiency for the full crowd of between 100-500 people. This isn’t some wild west fantasy shoot em up type plan. This is a “attempt realism and social sustainability with a high quality of life during a crisis” type plan. 

Also. YOU are the one assuming that I’m “hoping” that zombies are slow and dumb. Since this is a barricade plan. It would work with fast zombies and slow zombies because zombies aren’t organized and its easy to pick off zombies in an enclosed area where you can track how many of them their are, and control the environment in which they are attacking. This is not a scenario in which there is a growing horde of zombies overwhelming a single individual. This is a scenario where however many zombies exist within the Target at the time of barricade are  are pitted towards. Anyone in target at the time.  Even a concentrated effort to lure them to the stock area or out into the trucking dock doors would probably work to empty the store. Even if people have to sacrifice themselves in the process.  

Besides, you know what they don’t sell at Target? Guns.
You know what they do sell at Target? Bats.
You know what Target doesn’t allow into their stores? Guns.
You know what everyone in the store is likely to be armed with during the chaos days: Mele weapons. 

If mele weapons in the hands of exhausted battered, but creative, Ukrainians can topple President Yanukovych and armed trained soldiers in REAL LIFE not Left 4 Dead, i’m sure they can work here too. My greatest respects for the dead and those impacted by that crisis. 

(via season3avatrice)